I wrote before about learning how to handle Logan, the Arabian black stallion, and always carrying the baseball bat as a precaution and an extension of my arm.
Well, I was getting more and more frustrated with him every time I let him out of his stall after feeding and tried to get him through the section that leads to his paddock. He kept stopping in the doorway to eat grass, or going to the side to wait for the girls, or even turning around and rushing back into the barn to see if he could get to them.
I would yell at him, try talking nice, and ultimately hit the bat against the stall door or wall or metal gate to get his attention (which never worked) or at least make him decide that it was too unpleasant to stick around (which didn't seem to work either).
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| This is what I came up with when doodling with Devany |
Finally, one evening, I'd had it. He had just gotten worse and worse and was just eating grass, completely ignoring me, and then went back into his stall (I tried to block him and failed) and refused to come out. I was too nervous to try putting his halter on and so I just stood there, hitting his stall door with the plastic bat and yelling, "LOGAN! GET OUT!" Pretty sure I was swearing, too. Then, with the force of the blow, the last couple inches of the bat actually broke off and flew into his stall. It startled me more than him. What was I doing?
But it wasn't over. He finally walked out and I was elated, as I thought it had worked, but then down went his head once again, right outside the stable. He proceeded to ignore me again, and my fury built back up as I carefully skirted around his back legs to avoid getting kicked.
As I yelled louder and louder, almost losing my voice, I reached a point of genuinely wanted to let loose and strike Logan with the bat. I considered it. I don't ever want to reach that point again. I don't feel good yelling at anyone or anything, and I never want to get that close to hitting a living thing out of anger again. "There must be another way," I thought. Just because some people handle horses through verbal aggression doesn't mean that I have to do so.
After breaking the bat, yelling, and almost hitting him, I woke up. I knew it wasn't working and I had to try something else. I went back in the tack room and got a handful of gumnuts (yummy feed for older horses) and then tried to tempt him with them. It took a while, but I eventually got him in. I wasn't sure if I should give him the reward at all, since he had taken so long to cooperate, but I had this idea that if I got it into his head that every time he goes into the paddock he gets a reward, he might eventually start looking forward to it and forget the grass. It was worth a try. So I gave him the gumnuts and spoke kindly to him, letting my frustration go, and then went inside with the memory of the swelling anger still in my mind. I never want to forget what that moment felt like.
As soon as I got inside, I started writing and researching: to remember and to learn. My voice was actually hoarse from yelling, so I didn't say much that evening, but spent my time searching for that "other way".
I remembered seeing a documentary about Buck Brannaman, a wondrously intuitive and gentle horseman who was abused as a child and uses that experience in the way that he deals with and understands "problem" horses. I pored over articles and quotes, trying to find something that would help me. There were things about making the animal feel safe and secure, looking from the horse's point of view, being patient, and, what really struck me, "living your life so that you're not making war with the horse, or with other people." I had definitely been in a war with Logan.
I wrote: "I don't think Logan is just an asshole [excuse the expression]. I think there's a reason he's doing what he's doing, and me shouting at him until I'm hoarse isn't going to change anything."
Buck talks about discipline as well, "not the harsh discipline of force, but the kind of discipline that says, 'Not that; do this instead.' " Be assertive, not aggressive. "You don't wait for him to get into trouble, you try to keep him out of trouble." He spoke of looking for signs that the horse is responding, even the twitch of an ear or a single step, and praising those. And, "You got to quit on a good note."
The next morning, I found the piece of the bat in his stall, quite by accident, and decided to keep it as a physical reminder of my lesson.
That night, after turning Logan out, I wrote the following: "IT WORKED. Ohhh my goodness, it actually worked! Only the third time of consistently giving him a treat when he goes into the paddock (and first time of never yelling at him, speaking harshly, or hitting the bat on anything), and he walked straight out, without even stopping to eat ANY GRASS. I kept him moving firmly but gently, kept letting him know what I wanted him to do, but never touched him or lifted the bat or even closed the stall door. He went straight out, through the gate into his paddock, and then came back toward me when he saw that I was walking to the fence, to receive his treat. He IS a good boy, you just have to know how to work with him. Verbal abuse doesn't help anything, but rewards (both tangible and vocal) are what he responds to."
It's been a couple weeks now and he's gotten to the point where he actually listens to me and nearly always goes right out, and if he turns around, I have only to step in his path with my arms out and say, "No, that way," and direct him back. He acted up a couple days in a row more recently, but I only got a little frustrated and we're back on track now.
He also lets me pet him more or pick things out of his mane, and I speak to him softly the whole time, saying, "Easy," and "Good boy," in the same tones that Aragorn used to calm Brego. He's not so restless now, and doesn't mind his face being touched as much. The other day after morning feed, I just stood with his nose resting in my cupped hands and our foreheads pressed together as the morning light streamed in, and he was perfectly still.
Moments like that and every time he goes out smoothly are so satisfying, because I had to work for them. I've always heard that horses can teach you a lot, but I had no idea how much. We're certainly not making war anymore, and I think he's made me a better person.
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